Liz, yo (oulan) wrote,
Liz, yo

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Well here it is

Here, behind a lovely cut, is all of the shit that's going on with me lately, making everyone's problems with me not only irrelevant, but also unappreciated.

First and foremost, the issues with my family, told in full story form for those of you who haven't heard about it yet. On Friday of last week there was a news story floating around about a two-year-old girl who died here. We didn't think anything of it because we didn't know the kid was related to us. We got the mail out of the box on Sunday because we were all busy on Saturday and found a hate note written out to my mother in regards to the child. Come to find, the baby was my cousin, my uncle's daughter. The same uncle who my sisters put in jail. And now my mother is getting attacked by the child's psycho mother because they never got along and because my sisters were molested by their own uncle. So now my mother locks every door and window of the house whenever she's in it because she's afraid this woman is going to pull something ugly.

Next, my health insurance issue. It's going to be necessary in this state soon for everyone to have health insurance. I can't find work around here and I can't make health insurance materialize out of thin air so my mother and I are both stressed beyond understanding about not only my health but the fact that if I can't come up with the money, she's going to have to. At the moment, she has it, but she won't forever and I don't feel like putting myself into debt with my own mother. She has enough to deal with right now. I may have found a way to get free insurance but I don't really understand it and I'm hoping we can figure it out this afternoon.

And my wisdom teeth are growing in / have grown in and are putting pressure on my whole mouth. It is a very painful situation, but even if I get health insurance, it won't be dental so I constantly have headaches, it hurts to eat, and the only way I can stop it from making my entire mouth ache is to eat ice.

My mother is getting increasingly harder to live with, always on me about getting a job that doesn't exist and doing more chores than is physically possible on top of being more respectful to her than anyone has ever been toward anyone anywhere. She's threatened every day for the last three weeks to turn the internet off if I don't do more work. I spend 4-5 hours every day redoing already clean chores because she is never satisfied. I'm washing ceilings and walls because I am literally out of shit to do. I have to clean my room, her room, both halls, the stairs, the kitchen and the upstairs bathroom on top of taking care of all the pets, running all the errands, taking care of my brother and still... none of this is ever enough for her. Even sitting in the same room as her is hard to do now. If I could get out of here, I would but I have absolutely nowhere to go.

Not that it would really matter if I did go anywhere. I still wouldn't have health insurance and I would still need to have this tooth pulled and I would still need new glasses and I would still not be able to make anyone happy because I'm a bitch and a liar and a bad friend because my ideals and opinions aren't the same as everyone else's and they don't matter because nobody else sees my problems as actual problems and it's ok for them to keep doing things how they are because it's fine for them, why shouldn't it be fine for me

The only person in this world that I can make completely happy is my younger brother, and that's because all it takes to make him happy is a few print-outs of video game cheats and me telling him he can use my playstation.

I am stressed, hurt, and unhappy, and I get attacked for partaking in the few things that actually do make me happy. It's unfair and I don't appreciate having to explain myself to people who don't treat me very well to begin with. If there's something I can do to make me happy then why do I have to defend myself? I'm not hurting anyone. I'm not commiting a crime. So I listen to music that nobody else in my family will touch (except Steph, but she doesn't live here and Tom is just obsessed with Dong Hae <.<). It makes me happy. So I spend a lot of time making graphics even though I can't make a career out of it. It makes me happy. And you know what? I'm going to continue doing everything that makes me happy until I can't anymore.

And that's it. So go ahead, throw fits, have a blast just cutting me down behind my back and for every reason you can come up with. It can't possibly be any worse that what is already going on for me.
Tags: cuntflaps, shedevil, very personal
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