Liz, yo (oulan) wrote,
Liz, yo

  • Mood:

Death and Liz

I killed a bird today.

I was on my way home from Subway with my mother's lunch, right, and there was this bird in the middle of the road. Now, I'm one of those people who nearly crashes every time she sees roadkill because she has to look away, so naturally I didn't want to hit the poor little thing. But as I approached, it didn't move from the road, and another car was coming the other way so I couldn't just go around it. So, I drove over it, hoping it would stay put and would fly out from behind the car.

But what I saw in my rear view mirror almost made me throw up. It was bouncing around the road like one of those wind-up toys that pops every few seconds. I pulled over and walked back to it and found it's wing flat on the ground and the rest of it freaking out by the side of the road. I picked it up, blood everywhere and walked it over to this clump of bushes. Side Note: By this point I'm a goopy mess. I'm just crying like I killed my own grandmother or something.

I did the only thing I could do. I took it's little head in one hand and it's upper body in the other and snapped down. And I just kind of kneeled there with that broken, mess of a body in my hands... and cried. I was shaking so much that I just sat there for maybe five minutes. A guy walked by but didn't stop. I didn't care. I still don't care. It's just part of the story.

So I put the body beneath one of the bushes there and piled some grass over it. It was all I could think of to do.

Then I got back in the car and drove home. I washed my hands five times when I got back then took a shower. I still felt disgusting. I didn't eat lunch.

I know it was just a bird. A stupid bird, at that. And my mother was telling me that there had to be something wrong with it if it was just sitting in the road and it didn't move when I drove up. It helped me feel a little better, because she told me that putting it out of its misery was the best I could do after I hit it. I really hope I don't have nightmares.
Tags: very personal
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.