Liz, yo (oulan) wrote,
Liz, yo

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1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8. Except the bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
10. Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
11. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.
12. There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
13. Do you know what the Empire does to self- proclaimed "kings of the world?"
14. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
15. Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
16. Han Solo would've missed the stupid iceberg!
17. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated, "Luke....I am your father."?
18. Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a stupid minor character.
19. Star Wars morals:
a. fight evil
b. do good
c. respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers
d. rescue princesses
e. save planets

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