Liz, yo (oulan) wrote,
Liz, yo

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Ok, I need to warn you of the graphic nature of this entry... it's not safe to read while eating, let's put it that way...

Mmm... So I was doing dishes, right, like I do every fucking day of the year... but something seemed odd this morning... There was a pot I hadn't seen for some time sitting on the counter with a lid on it. I should have known it would never be ok to look in, but I had to do the dishes... and it was a dish...

So I took the lid off from as far away as my arm would allow and what I saw in there could only be described as "alive." "Nasty" works, too, actually... My lower lip did that shaking thing it does when I'm really scared or nervous or about to cry... although I'm not sure which of those worked here. Maybe all three now that I think about it. So I picked the pot up by the handle (it was cold so I want to say it was probably growing in the fridge for a while) and walked over to the trash can... which has never been so far away in the entire time we've had this house. I dumped the contents of the small pot into the open top and got this amazing whoosh of smell. If my face has never turned green before in my life, it did today.

The stuff poured out red and green... like Christmas from Hell. Chunks and ooze... and something white I could not identify as a type of consistancy at all... I suppose it once was chunky tomato sauce but I could no longer be certain. The top layer of mold hit the pile of papers in there first and served as a sort of base for the waterfall of red stench that followed it...

I made the sound of what I believe to be a moose mating call. I've only ever heard it once, but I think this matched it pretty well. I turned my face (note: now green) and gagged before regaining my composure and returning to the sink to rinse that bitch out. My eyes were tearing up to match my allergies quite nicely and I suddenly wanted to sneeze. But knowing that when I sneeze my entire body caves in like a clam and remembering that I had Hell's gift basket in my right hand, I had to stop myself quickly. I dropped the pot into the empty sink upside down and turned on the water, washing my hands as fast as I could before I blew my booger load.

Sneeze handled, I returned to the task at hand. I lifted the pot only to find that I had somehow missed one chunk when emptying it... and there it loomed, knowing that there was no way I could just wash it down the drain... because that's what clogs drains and I didn't want anyone else to have to deal with this horror. So I took my paper towel and reached into the sink for it... only to gag again while doing so. Gag revisited, if you will. I even said it out loud as I walked over to the trash can. Gag revisited.

So now my stomach hurts and my eyes ache... but hey, the dishes are done and I'm going to pay more attention to the things people leave in the fridge for more than a week.
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