a fucked up cracked piece of almost fic by Caged
(I'm trying to remember as much of this as I possibly can... it probably won't be right on. This happened this morning while me and my sister Stephanie were laying on my bed and trying to sleep. I'm Beth, for those who don't already know my name. FYI: Steph knows a lot about Dir en Grey so I wasn't trying to actually pull off that I made them up.)
Stephanie: Hey, tell me a story
Beth: I don't want to.
Stephanie: Oh come one, please?
Beth: *sigh* Alright. There once was this vocalist for this really big band... let's just call him K. So K was at the studio early one morning and this really hot sext guy came in. He was the bassist. His name was... T. T was like, "Oh good morning K, what are you up to?" and K was like "Just thinking about how I really want some hot raunchy sex."
Steph: Oh god.
Beth: Shut up. So then T was like, "Yeah, I'd like some hot raunchy sex, too" and then, right there on the floor, they had hot raunchy sex. And just as K was busting his nut, K number 2 (who was the leader of the band) came in and was like, "Holy shit, T! What the hell are you doing!? And I was coming to confess my love to you!" and T was really sad and was like "I'm sorry K number 2, I love you too." and then K number 2 and T made sweet sweet love right there at K number 1's feet.
Steph: Yeah, like its not painfully obvious who this is about *sarcasm*
Beth: No, these are all original characters through and through. They're the members of a band I just made up called DEN *shifty eyes*
Steph: Whatever, just go on
Beth: And then, after K number 2 and T had sex, S, who was the drummer, came in. He looked really peeved. He looked at T and K number 2 and saw how much they were in love and wanted to cry because he had nobody to love. But he sat behind the drums anyway because it was his job to play drums. K number 2 and T keot grabbing each other's butts but they didn't know that it was bothering S. Out of the blue, K number 2 asked, "Hey, where the hell is D?"
Beth: Shut up. And then, right at that very moment, D came in. K number 2 was like "Where were you?" and D was like "I was having hot raunchy sex". D gave S a look of sadness and desire.
Steph: You're pathetic
Beth: Hey, you wanted a story. Anyway, so S looked back at him and wanted to cry because he would never have love. Yes, S was a pathetic being. And then, K number 2 was like, "D, I'd like to talk to you outside for a minute" and K number 2 and D went outside the room. "Are you ok?" K number 2 asked D. "Yeah, I'm fine," D responded, looking back into the room longingly. And then T out and were like "Hey what are you guys doing?" and then S came out and was like "Are we done for the day?" and then D bumped into him and made him drop his drum sticks.
Steph: Because of course he had them with him.
Beth: Shut up, this is my story. And then T grabbed K number 2 by the crotch through his pants and started to lead him toward the bathroom. And then it was just D and S standing there.
Steph: Wait, where is K number 1 during all this?
Beth: He's doing what fangirls always make him do... sleep or draw on his arm with a knife.
Steph: I thought you made these characters up
Beth: ... oh yeah... but if they had fans, that's what they'd have him do. Anyway, so then D was like "Why did you leave me this morning?" and S was like "It was just a one-time thing"
Steph: I knew it.
Beth: No you didn't. And then D was like, "Why, S? Why can't it happen again?" and S was like "Because I really don't like pancakes that much" and D was like "Bullshit, IHOP is great."
Steph: *laughing* pancakes... "I really don't like pancakes that much" *laughing some more*
Beth: And then... shush... and then Die was like "So why..."
Steph: Wait, Die?
Beth: Shit, did I say Die?
Beth: I meant "D".
Steph: Die makes a guest appearance.
Beth: Anyway, D was like "Please, S, lets just go out for pancakes again. Just one more time." and S was like "No, I have to go." and then he left. And then Die...
Steph: Die again
Beth: Fuck... uh... then D and Die had sex because D always wanted to have sex with himself.
Steph: And K number 1 is sleeping this whole time?
Beth: Yeah and Die and D have hot raunchy sex right on him.
Steph: Wouldn't that be like masturbation?
Beth: No, because I made up D. They're technically not the same person. remember? D is from DEN. Anyway in the bathroom T was taking K number 2's clothes off with his teeth. And then they went into a toilet and were telling each other how much they loved each other and then they started having sex right there. And K number 2 tore up T because he liked to be rough and then T went and washed his ass out in the sink. Oh and then D and Die were done having sex and D left to go home.
Steph: and Die went to Shinya's right?
Beth: Sure, and then K number 1 woke up and went into the bathroom and T and K number 2 were quiet so that K number 1 wouldn't hear them and demand to be a part of it. And then K number 1 saw that there was blood in the sink so he started to lick it up and...
Steph: OH EWW. Kyo is licking up ass blood.
Beth: Kyo isn't in this story, it was K number 1.
Steph: What the fuck ever, you made him lick up Toshiya's ass blood.
Beth: Listen, I'm going for originality. I'm making sure you don't forget this story anytime soon. And just so you know, Toshiya is not in this story. You keep ruining it. K number 1 licked up T's...
Steph: I get it!
Beth: So and then he heard T laughing in the stall so he busted the door down and saw that K number 2 and T were naked and just like they knew he would, he demanded to be part of it. Meanwhile, D went over to S's house and S was just about to get into the shower so he came to the door in only a towel. D was like "Please, S, just pancakes. It's only pancakes." And S was like "Don't you get it? If I eat to much the mothership will come back and say I'm not acting like a proper human." And then D shoved his way into the apartment and was like, "S, I love you."
Steph: God, you couldn't have made that smoother?
Beth: No, D is crazy, ok? He can't play games with S, though. Anyway, and then S was like "For real? Cause.. I..."
Steph: Fucking god, Beth, get to the sex already.
Beth: *stare* Do you want to tell the story?
Steph: No, I want to sleep.
Beth: ANYWAY, back to the story. And S was like "I love you too." and then they made sweet love on S's couch because the bed was too far away.
Steph: They "made love"? Thats totally gay.
Beth: They love each other, ok? It was tender and loving. Nothing like the raunchy shit the others were doing. Anyway, after all was said and done D's cell phone started ringing. He answered it and it was K number 2. K number 2 was at home in his bed with K number 1 and T and he invited D and S to come over and then they did and all five of them had a massive orgy.
Steph: So all of the band members...
Beth: Massive orgy *nods*
Steph: Well, that was fun, good night.
Beth: And then they all went to IHOP for strawberry-covered pancakes.