Liz, yo (oulan) wrote,
Liz, yo

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Just some general whining

This weekend wasn't so bad except for getting yelled at by Jason. Really, I don't leave my house just to get yelled at. And I don't leave my house to get pressured into doing things I don't want to do. I get enough of this crap at home and it really sucks that I have to put up with it with my friends, too. And I really didn't appreciate feeling like shit after saying something about it, because it wasn't my home and I always feel bad when I complain about someone's behavior in their own house.

On a very related side note, just because I'm an okay singer doesn't mean I'm comfortable singing in any public gathering, however small. I sing in the shower. I sing in the car. I sing when I am all alone at home and my music is really loud. I never, even with my closest friends, sing in front of them because it really embarrasses me for some reason. And I certainly don't sing in front of people who made me feel like a wad of shit in high school. I'm just not comfortable with it. The last time I was made to sing alone at a public gathering, I ended up curled up in a back room crying. I hate it. I hate it so much.

But of course I'm not a team player if I don't participate. I'm really sorry that my mother isn't shooting money out of her ass enough to buy me and my siblings the most up-to-date systems and peripherals so that I can spend eight to ten hours a day playing Guitar Hero and becoming the best that I can be so I don't get stuck as the default singer when nobody else feels like doing it. Oh no, it's absolutely fine that I can only play on medium and the drums confuse me so I get looks like 'why are you even here' when I'm surrounded by people who have no lives and the money to burn for such seemingly insignificant pleasures of life.

Maybe I really don't want to be there. Maybe I don't like to exert myself so much for a fucking video game. It's certainly not worth the grief and hassle of all the parties involved. I was absolutely content and happy just sitting back and watching other people play along to these shitty songs that I haven't even heard before, then get talked down to when I mention I haven't heard them, because I must be some freak sort of lame because I don't like most of this country's crap music. And oh how this fact helps when they make me sing and then get upset when I fail because I've never heard the song before and can't even pretend I do. I am a choir singer. I sing operatically. This does not help in rock songs.

It's really sad when I actually hope that my mother gets upset if I ask to go out and I have to stay home.
Tags: cuntflaps, trufax, very personal
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